If you are experiencing any of these symptoms yourself due to a certain person treating you this way then you need to listen up! Here is an article that explains all about narcissism and tips on what to do and what NOT to do when it comes to dealing with them. 

I am pretty sure sometime in everyone’s life they have come across a narcissist whether it be in a romantic, coworker, or friend relationship. It is not that they are bad people, it is their behavior and how they treat other people. A narcissist person is someone who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and needs constant admiration. Sound familiar to anyone in your life? They can be dangerous, but addictive at the same time or at least at first. Especially in a romantic relationship. They will love bomb you and make you feel like you are the only person in the world. It is such a wonderful feeling because everyone wants to feel that way to their special someone. That is how they hook you in. I will leave my disclaimer here that I am not a licensed professional, I am just speaking from experience and research, and I will list my resources from this article down at the bottom of my blog.  

Symptoms of a Narcissist: 

1. Sense of self-importance: needing constant validation and admiration like I mentioned before. When you ask for their help or maybe you didn’t even ask and they do it anyways for you, they always look for some sort of praise or a sense of you can’t living your life without their help.  

2. Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success: They always need to have power over any aspect in their lives, including you. They care about presentation of themselves, most would have really good hygiene because they need everyone to think they are the best and most confident in themselves even though that could be further from the truth. They flaunt their successes to make them look like they have the greatest life ever. They will put their needs in front of everyone else’s no matter what. Well, some would care for their family but some always make sure there is something in it for them in the end. The best example is that they are wearing the most beautiful porcelain mask that you would wear to a grand ball. You are so attracted to this character and all its beauty, but they are really hiding all their flaws underneath this mask, and they will never show you what is truly underneath. Like phantom of the opera however, I don’t know if he was a narcissist or not…that is something to think about while I am lying in bed trying to fall asleep…thank you for that!  

3. Entitled: Kind of what we talked about before where they seek praise from you for doing something even though you didn’t really ask them to do anything. They feel like the whole world revolves around them. I didn’t know I was dating a King/Queen or a Pharoah, did you?? I do know this sense of entitlement can come from childhood. But I will get into that in the next section.  

4. Can only be around people who are important or special: Just like we talked about with them keeping up their beauty or success. Keeping up with their appearance and having those special connections to help spread his/her superego to others. Like a false advertisement.  

5. Interpersonally exploitive for their own gain: MANIPULATION! This is a big one! They will manipulate you or others to get what they want, which can leave others or yourself feeling used and undervalued. Gaslighting is one of their big weapons as well! Gaslighting is a manipulation technique in which a person tries to convince someone that their reality is untrue. They make it seem or look like YOU are in the wrong! I have seen this so many times with my friends, family, and even my personal relationships. Do NOT fall for it! If you know deep inside your gut that they are in the wrong or trying to trick you, listen to your gut because it is always right! They are just trying to gain control over you and keep you in line. Also, another tool is exaggeration. 

 It could be played a few ways but one is exaggerating or lying about their achievements and talents to (again) make them look like that perfect porcelain mask beautiful creature. The other way is when you start expressing your feelings and they do not like where it is going or you are pointing out something they do not like, they will exaggerate and intensify a discussion, and it will blow up into a fight. They will turn the fire from them to you. Getting them in control AGAIN and making you feel so small and start to question if you were in the wrong. It is a famous tactic they love to use. I wish they could use these powers for good. Ugh!  

6. Arrogant: They can be arrogant, but this one is tricky because anyone can be arrogant and not have the symptoms of a narcissist. You would have to observe other traits that they have and see if the puzzle pieces fit.  

7. Lack of empathy: Because of this trait, your needs and feelings are unimportant. Also, they may be envious of and competitive with you and if you beat them, they will withhold praise and or encouragement. Pretty messed up in my book don’t you think? 

8. Must be admired: I will say this kind of goes with number 2, but it is just as important. If they don’t feel admired, they may become upset or angry and cause a fight making you feel like you are doing something wrong or not being a good partner. Make sure you sit down and think about this to see if they are right or wrong then try to discuss it with them. If they get all defensive right off the bat, then that could be a sign as well. Pay attention to all the signs they give you.  

9. Envious of others or believing that others are envious of them: This is like misery loves company. They again think they are everyone’s universe, and they want people to be envious of them always.  

Only mental health professionals can conduct certain structured interviews to learn more about an individual’s behavior patterns. It is not in a gene or genetics that people become this way.  I personally believe it is how they are raised.

A major factor for most mental disorders is the environment in which they were raised or what kind of environment they are in as adults. From source DukeHealth, it says that some children could develop narcissism if they believe they are extraordinary and always deserve the best at the expense of others. Traits like confidence are rewarded, while qualities like empathy are not.  

A few things to keep in mind on what NOT to do or expect: 

1. Do not argue or confront. I mean do not go out lashing out with anger even though you want to. You will not win, and it will hurt the situation even more. They will never back down, and they will make it seem like it is all your fault, and I am pretty sure you will be the one apologizing in the end. Be prepared for this argument if you are going in.

2. Do not try and direct them- they love being in control remember? How do you think that will turn out? DISASTER! 

3. Do not expect them to see your point of view because they will never be able to due to their way of thinking. Try not to take things personally even though it is nearly impossible.

4. Do not expect a deep, meaningful communication because they simply cannot have one. They may create an angry outburst or shutdown response. I love it when they claim you are being “too sensitive” when you are just expressing your feelings. I know this article may hurt some people with this harsh truth. I really wish it was different, but it is just how they are programmed.  

5. Do not go over past issues- stay in the present. Otherwise, you could derail just a tiny bit and then they will have the opportunity to shoot off their harsh sayings or point the fire at you…remember we talked about that earlier?  

Doesn’t this sound like a repeated pattern? If you are in a relationship with someone like this, you need a change of course. To save your heart and mind. I want you to get out a piece of paper or journal, I want you to list any symptoms they may have, or you have seen multiple times. Ask yourself how they respond when I just speak my feelings to them. Do you walk on eggshells around them? When do you normally feel that way? Are you scared they are going to get mad when you speak about a certain subject? I just want you to think about this stuff and certain scenarios and write them down. Or write them in your phone if you fear them seeing this paper which in that case, you REALLY need to get out of there! 

People with narcissistic personalities often do not change. Even if you learn to manage your relationship better, it probably won’t ever be a healthy relationship. I would recommend offering to go to couples counseling, but I almost guarantee they will not go. Because they will then have lost control, and they will be expected to change, which they will not. They also HATE being vulnerable and therapy is definitely showing vulnerability.  

Now, I want to move onto some good stuff on HOW to cope if you are still in a relationship with one.  

Tips on coping or dealing with a narcissist: 

1. Creating personal boundaries. If you are in a toxic relationship and you are trying to get out, but it is impossible right now due to financial issues, children, marriage…I would say a start is to create personal boundaries for yourself and stick to them! For your own sake!  

2. If you see their self-insecurities are breached and you see their bruised ego, gently walk away. 

3. You have to be extra careful in how you talk to them or how you engage in a conversation. Especially if you are trying to get out of the relationship or even out of a situation like work or even on a first date and you are alone with them. NEVER go out on a first date in a secluded place! Always in a public place. I digress.  

4. Educate yourself. I am proud of you for reading this and even looking into it. That is the first step. Build your armory mentally so then you know how to handle the situation down the line.  Also, practice mindfulness and start focusing on you and your mental health because you will always need it to be healthy!

5. Speak up for yourself but in a way that doesn’t come off bad. Otherwise, you will get a negative response from them then you are back to square one. Personal boundaries would be close to this one.  

6. Watch your wording. Think about how you practice an oral presentation and then speak up for yourself. If you know this person and you pretty much know what they are going to say to shut you down, think about a plan B situation and how you would react to that. This is like a game to them and how they get to shut you down. They feel empowered by doing that, do not let them! You can do this! It just takes practice.  

7. Stay calm! Create a support system and maybe have them practice with you on how the dialogue would go. Also, having that support system means a lot to you and your mental health and knowing you are not alone.  

8. Bring in a counselor. If you can (I know how expensive it is to see a therapist) but if you can, go for it! Work on yourself and tell the therapist the situation and they will gladly help and guide you through this. Or, buying any kind of self-care or self-love workbooks is a great start!

Bottom line… 

I know how it is being stuck in a crappy, horrible relationship. I have been there and most of the time I couldn’t leave because of financial reasons. If you guys are interested, I could write a separate blog on ideas on how to get out of a relationship. Let me know in the comments if you do and I can definitely help out. None of us deserve to be in an unhappy relationship or marriage. It is not fair nor is it easy. I know most of you reading this are really scared of leaving. I was terrified of leaving my ex-husband. I gave up a lot and even my cat. However, I never felt so free after it was all said and done. That fear you are feeling WILL pass and you will be free and save yourself and your kids if you have them. I am sure they are hurting too in all of this. You got this, be brave and educate yourself. Get it all together for this battle!  

Sources:  

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/narcissism-symptoms-signs

https://www.dukehealth.org/blog/9-signs-of-narcissistic-personality-disorder

Thank you for all your support! Subscribe to my blog if you want more content like this and I will see you guys later! Be sure to like this blog and I love to read any comments or questions you guys have. Be safe everyone!!