Meeting the “perfect” guy online and tips on how to avoid him.

I am going to tell you guys a little bit about myself. I am no stranger to online dating. It can be fun, but the more technology progresses, the more dangerous it can become. A while ago I was looking for that perfect person online. I am not much for the bar scene so I would dabble in online dating. It can be beneficial especially if you start talking to them and then they start becoming abnormal or acting weird (you guys know what I mean). So, online dating does save you the time to not have to waste a night on a horrible date and you can stay at home watching movies or reading in your pajamas. Anyways, there was a guy online that I matched with. He was super handsome! I am not saying I am bad looking, but he was definitely a charming, handsome guy and you wonder what he is doing talking to me. We texted back and forth, and he totally seemed normal. Going to hang out with his friends after work, going to the gym, and he was funny. He went on these mini business trips, and he taught other people at these conferences about trading and earning money. Now I know what you are thinking….it is a scam! And I thought it was at that moment, and I should have listened to my gut then, however, he never tried to get me involved in his conferences or asking me to trade. Nothing!  

So, I continued on, but I did tread lightly. We talked constantly and I mean all the time. We talked about our hopes and dreams. About work issues and I confided in him, and it seemed like he was doing the same. I wanted to talk to him on the phone, we have been talking for like a month now. I hate talking on the phone, but I was really starting to like him and all we sent to each other was pictures. I was getting hesitant. He said he was always with someone, and I eventually was like hey we need to talk on the phone, or I am going to move on (of course I was sort of bluffing) because at this point, he had me hooked. I didn’t want him to know that though. So, one night he finally called me. It was very short and loud in the background, in which he said he was at the club with his work friends. You can’t help but take his word and pray he is not lying to you because you really want this to be the real thing. One day he asked me if I ever traded crypto and now, we were in like two months I would say from memory. I said no and I was not interested in any of that. He respected that and I got to “meet” his uncle online because we were seriously talking about meeting our families and yes, I know it sounds silly writing about it now and being like “come on Shaye, what were you thinking?”. Honestly, I went through a divorce, and I just wanted to find a guy and he made me feel like I was on top of the world! And they will do that. The slimy trolls that they are. However, I didn’t see any of that or maybe I did deep down, but I always like to give the benefit of the doubt to people and plus we talked on the phone, so I was believing this was the real guy. He asked me again to learn about trading and I needed the money because I lived on my own. So, I tried it, and the good thing was, he never asked for my information, and I was not stupid enough to do that anyways. He showed me how to set it all up and, long story short, I did make a profit out of it. I made like 275 dollars in a few hours! It was actually transferred to my account! Again, he did not have any access to my personal information, there was a certain platform he took me to which I will leave in private. If anyone wants more information about said platform, just comment and ask me and we can talk. I would love to hear other people’s stories, but I am getting off topic here. So, at that point, I was actually thinking this could work and I was trusting him more and more. Plus, I did talk to his “uncle” and was getting to know him. It was all coming together. Well, I was working, and we were doing a trade, and he was like when I say, sell! And I put in more money than I had (it was for rent, and you should NEVER do that)! But I thought this would work again.  

We sold and he wanted me to cash out and withdraw, he said it was the way to go so it was a good amount and again, I won’t say how much. It is fascinating to see how money makes people do desperate things. I am not a risk taker, but I needed the money, and it was easy to trade, and I was having fun so why not right? I went to withdraw, and it said I needed to pay taxes on it right then and there to access my money. I knew I would have to eventually pay taxes on this money, but I didn’t have that kind of extra money at that moment. At the very beginning, I asked both if that is all I needed money wise because I was already risking enough. Of course, they said yes. Well, I confronted them about it, and they “forgot” about this tax fee. I always play by the book, and I was freaking out at this point. Here I can’t access that money till I give MORE money.  I told them I couldn’t get that money, and they were telling me everything they could to get me to get that “tax money”. This is when I saw the light in both of them. I tried calling my “boyfriend” of over three months multiple times and he never answered. He would barely text me and if it was, it would not be like him at all. I was heartbroken! All this time I spent talking to him. Even though it was just a little over three months, anyone who has been in love and how love is blind would know exactly how I was feeling. The loss of hope and the feeling that I just lost money I definitely did not have. It just breaks you. Everything you built up with this other person was shattered and they didn’t give a crap about you as long as you would give them what they wanted. Feeling that sense of loss and feeling that everything they said was a lie and they played you the whole time is just gut wrenching.  

I was at work like I mentioned so I immediately went to break and went to my car just balling. I felt so alone and scared. I called my brother, which I am so grateful for, and he was trying to calm me down and he gratefully loaned me back what I lost, and we never paid that “tax fee” and I eventually paid my brother back. I stopped messaging both of them and I knew then it was all a scam. I was devastated for weeks and still get triggered by it. Especially, when I was looking up other people’s stories on being “romantically scammed”. He messaged me a few days after (he pretty much knew I figured him out) and he was asking how I was. Like nothing ever happened. Nor did he ever call me back, which I knew he wouldn’t. Then he asked me if I was going to find a way to pay that tax fee and at that point, I went and blocked him. There were times I could see his persistence and how he would try to manipulate me and think I was at fault and ladies…we do NOT deserve that! I know this was a long blog; however, I wanted you guys to get the whole story and know whoever is reading this and was involved in such a scam that you are NOT alone. I want to make it known that it does happen to the best of us, and we need to protect ourselves. Even men looking for a good woman online as well…they can also do these tricks. It is sad, but here are some tips and advice I can share from personal experience and research.  

Tips to avoid Romantic Scams: 

• Always keep your guard up until you meet him/her and even then, watch it till you have gotten to know them and seeing them on a regular basis 

• If they refuse to call, meet, or even Facebook (Skype etc), lose them! Because they are not who they say they are 

• NEVER agree to send them any money or gift cards no matter how much of a “pickle” they are in! They just want your money, and you need to drop them! Always meet first and date before making that kind of decision 

• If you are talking to a military guy, be extra careful because they seem to be the worse ones about asking for money or “care packages”. And I hate how there are honest military soldiers out there trying to date online and they are getting screwed over by these scammers, but it really does happen  

• Keep chatting online on the platform that you meet on and if they want you to go onto WhatsApp or something like that then it is fishy and use caution! 

• As you guys probably already know, but I can’t stress it enough is do not give out any kind of sensitive information or phone number or where you live specifically because you have no idea what people are capable of now a days 

Bottom line, just be super careful and if you see any type of red flag with who you are talking to, then confront them and don’t waste your time. From my own experience and from stories I have heard from friends who have had similar experiences, they will normally start asking or hinting about things within the first two weeks of talking. They don’t want to wait, but if you see this happening soon and you confront them, then you will see their true colors soon enough or they will ghost you. Then they will be doing you a favor. I wish he did that to me from the very beginning, but he saw right through me, I guess. That is a lesson I will never forget and if I can prevent it from happening to someone else then that makes my heart happy. It was not easy confessing this story, but I hope it at least helps someone. Please be careful out there! Also, I would love to hear back from others who have had similar experiences and how they handled it or if justice was served!