As you can tell in my recent blogs, I have been dealing with heartbreak. It definitely put a damper on the New Year that I was looking forward to. I was on an emotional roller coaster! Also, I was only able to eat Hawaiian King rolls (everyone should know these rolls and if not, go out and get them!) because I couldn’t seem to digest anything else. My heart was shattering. I could feel the hurt deep in my bones and my heart would race, hurting worse. One hour I was sad and nauseous and the next I would be like screw him! I will overcome this and come out stronger! I would journal like there was no tomorrow.

I started a puzzle that I’ve had in my closet, however that overwhelmed me looking at all the loose pieces shattered everywhere and I just wanted to throw the pieces off the table. Heartbreak definitely takes a toll on you and I have sympathy for whoever endures this. I have been through heartbreak before, but this one took a lot from me. However…it has taught me a lot about myself. I lost my father last year (end of this month will be one year actually) and I have not gotten relief on that as well. I’ve been trying to read self help books for who knows how long and thinking I can do this myself.

Well, I think I’ve realized that I need to go see a therapist, which I have in the past before and truly enjoyed it. I just feel like finding myself again. Taking myself out and showing her a good time because she deserves it. I always put people’s comfort before my own. Treat the way you would like to be treated is how my parents raised me and I still stick by that rule, however, these days people take advantage of kindness.

I would like to find out who Shaye really is and help her become who she wants to be. I actually booked an appointment with a therapist and it’s actually on my birthday. A gift to myself. I’m already finding relief knowing I will be ok. I would say whoever is struggling with emotional pain or depression, please try and seek professional help or support somewhere you trust. Honestly, when I get overwhelmed and sad, I don’t like to burden my family or friends with my woes. My sister was the only person I confided in and she kept calling me and checking in (I hate talking on the phone), but I’m really glad she did.

I actually bought “Wicked” and I have been watching that multiple times or any kind of movie that has no love in it at ALL! Yes, I know Wicked has love in it, but the music is just soothing to me. Like a movie when there is a disaster or the world is ending. “The Core” was another one if anyone was curious of a good movie for that genre.

So, I will start working on myself and process my losses in my life. I may have lost support, but I’m gaining the greatest supporter I have and that is myself. I hope this motivates others to do the same and we can work on this together. I hope everyone enjoyed their New Years and let’s make this a great year! Thank you for reading my shenanigans!

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